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Review: Bong Rips For Jesus – Promo

Every once in a while you come across a band that’s so overblown and ridiculous that you can’t help but check them out. Such is the case with Bong Rips For Jesus, a brutal deathcore band that prides themselves on creating a healthy blend of slam, marijuana puns, and all the stoner movie samples that a slam fan could ask for. Now that their newest promo album is out, it’s time to put them up on the cross and see there’s more to this act than just gimmick.

The album opens up with a sample from Jimmy Valmer, everybody’s favorite crippled South Park resident, in a heated debate with his parents over his gang involvement. As the argument comes to a head, Jimmy promptly tells his parents that if they don’t like it they can “pass the bong to the left”, and the album kicks off. Unfortunately, the music itself isn’t as charmingly belligerent, yet entertaining, as the sample that precedes it. From moment one, we’re greeted with a terrible mix and bland instrumentals.

The guitar and bass are constantly competing to be heard, the cymbals are so blatantly programmed that they trip over themselves, and the kick drum suffers the terrible fate of being buried to almost inaudible levels. These problems are heavily accentuated by the vocals, which overpowers the mix to the point where you can’t comprehend the instrumentals while they’re present. Perhaps the worst example of this is on the opening track, “Ossuary Of Human Skull Bongs”, where  the guitars are so quiet that it’s impossible to hear distinct notes underneath the blast beats. It’s kills the immersion of the record, and initially lead to me downloading the record a second time under the assumption that the files didn’t decompress properly the first time.

It’s a shame because once you manage to look past the terrible production, there are some genuinely captivating moments on the record. “Blunted Down” is perhaps the best example of the band’s true potential. The track manages to perfectly transition from skull crushing slams to in your face triplets without tiring the listener or sounding contrived. “Blunts to the Stoma” also manages to break up the monotony by adding a killer groove section with an ear catching lead to match. However, even these sections are kept from truly shining due to a guitar tone that’s just a bit too static to demand proper attention, and filler riffs that don’t manage to innovate or stand out from the crowd. It’s truly disappointing where the only memorable riffs on a slam album are the ones that aren’t breakdowns.

Bong Rips For Jesus makes a commendable attempt for their sophomoric effort, but doesn’t manage to do enough as artists to stand out from any other band from the scene. For the time being, let this album hang and wait for the next record in hopes of a resurrection.

Rate: 6/10

You can buy Promo 2015 through Bog Rips For Jesus’s Bandcamp page.

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  • Jake HP on

    Review the new album!!

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